Off the face of the earth – or Cali

So I guess I really suck at this blog writing thing my bad, but here is a much anticipated update.
Being that I’m two weeks from the end of my tour I’ve finally come to terms that I’m the local team. I’ve spent every weekend at the condo. I’ve had to get up crazy early to drive to shows and stand around waiting for our contact person to show up and then do a crazy fast set up with a complicated stage. I’ve had tons of fun hanging out with a best friend and soaking up life.
There have been few highlights this semester. We finally made it out of California, I had been looking forward to breaking outta Cali since I knew I would be stuck here. So we JUST cross the border into Arizona and the van breaks down. We have to be towed back to California. Seriously. The van turns out to be dead dead. The crankshaft is broken in half and half of the oil pan is missing. Once again I managed to do something the mechanic didn’t know was possible. But technically Rosita was driving so she did it. So the engine was dead and Camfel ended up junking Van 19. We got a rental truck, which was a fantastic ride, expect we had to take all the equipment into the hotel with us. Which offered a perfect opportunity to take the dolly for a spin in the parking lot. And we got to spent two fantastic nights with my Aunt and Uncle and have dinner with my Cousin Tara and her family. I realized how much I love my family and how awesome they are. Then we headed back to Cali – not even gone a week.
We also made a trek up to Nevada for a day and that went swell (sarcasm) – we hit the mountains and had to put chains on the tires which neither of us had done so that was an experience. So we aren’t too fond of Nevada and then we went to San Jose for a few nights before thanksgiving. After one of our shows we decided to go check out the Winchester Mystery House which was kinda cool and kinda boring. Thanksgiving was fantastic, well getting there sucked. In true Trostad fashion our ‘new’ van broke down, in the middle of nowhere on some mountain road. I literally had to cross the road to get service to talk to the boss. My aunt and uncle had to come pick us up and take us back to their place – and on the way back we went for a milk shake run at 11 at night to satisfy my uncle. It was a great get away from Diamond Bar and I loved spending time with family. I didn’t want to leave.
I guess most of the interesting moments have the spontaneous moments spent with one of my best friends. We’ve had breakfast pancakes, and dance sessions in the van, tv marathons, soccer and volleyball in the park. We’ve rocked out with Switchfoot and Anberlin, walked countless city, streets and talked so many endless hours. We've met interesting people in schools and out, taken pictures, and moon-walked everywhere. We went to the beach and Ro got her feet washed in the waves and freaked out. We are continually in the search for the perfect FroYo. We stop at random stores along the highway, and take pictures with dinosaurs. I constantly yell out ‘that’s soo pretty’ and scream ‘we’re gonna die’. So this is my life, I get up go to a show, set up, tear down, come home, watch tv, make dinner, go to bed. Just like anybody all my fun is the random stops in between.

Always Waiting.

This was also written a while ago ...

I feel like I’m always waiting for my life to begin. In high school I was waiting for graduation, then college, then moving away, then graduation. I waited for my shift to end, waited for my paper to be written, the exam to be graded, meetings to be over, summer to begin. After Longwood I thought that would be it – the waiting would be done and I’d be a grown up and life would start. And it did … except not for me. I moved back home with my parents and started the serious job hunting that would land me a fabulous job within the month. While I waited for my ‘real’ job to show up I worked with my mom and hated it. I grew frustrated with my life and for the most part wasted my days – I mean it wasn’t a complete waste; I had great times with my friends and Bible study with my girls, and made decent money. Still it wasn’t what I wanted. So I ended up applying for Camfel, and getting this other ‘temp’ job. Now I’m waiting for this tour to be over so I can get my ‘real’ job and start my ‘real’ life. Even now, I feel like I’m waiting for my tour to begin. I’m stuck at the condo just waiting to actually get on the road – when in fact this is my tour, this is my life, this is real.
I hate waiting and I feel like that’s all I ever do. I wait. I’m never content in any circumstance; I’m always waiting for whatever comes next and right now can never be good enough for me. Once again the grass is always greener somewhere else. Here I have this awesome life with amazing friends and an unbelievable family and I wish I was someone else doing anything else.
I’m torn because the Bible says to wait on the Lord and all that mess. So that’s what I do, I wait for God to open up opportunities and to show me what’s next and it works. I guess where I fall short is waiting for tomorrow. I’m constantly looking ahead to what’s next and I’m not focusing on what’s happening now. I’m waiting, but it’s almost like I’m demanding to know what happens next. I trust that God’s got it all figured out and I’m waiting for Him to let me in on the plan, but I’m too focused on what’s next. I need to spend more time enjoying and soaking up the now than wondering what’ll happen in the weeks, months, or years to come. God has me here for a reason, instead of constantly questioning what’s next, I should be focused on His plan for today. So I’m determined to start absorbing today, and not just the fun stuff in between the mundane, I want to live for the ordinary and enjoy the routine everyday stuff. In a few years I’m gonna wish I was still in Diamond Bar lounging around the pool in October … actually I could be wishing that in a few months. :P

Driving through the storm.

So I wrote this blog a while ago, but being at the condo without internet has SUCKED and I've been unable to post it but here it is ...

Yup, currently Rosita is driving through a rain storm. I love storms. Especially rain storms. There’s just something about dark gray heavy clouds covering the sun and the rain on my face and being soaked. I like playing in the rain, when the first drops hit my face and the air on my arms stand up and I question why I’m going outside. Then the soft thick drops turn into pelting pings as the clouds release a steady downpour that pounds through the air and my clothes are instantly drenched. I spin around until I’m dizzy and slosh through the puddles, squish through the soft grass, and sink in the Indian sand mud holes. I play ball with the dog and laugh as I whip my head around and the heavy ringlets stick to my face. I like just standing in the middle of the open field, listening to the rain and absorbing the scent of rainfall and renewed earth as the water hits the trees and cleans the terrain. Then the downpour changes to a light drizzle, and it changes back and forth between heavy and light showers.
Then changing and drinking a hot cup of coffee, or tea, or hot chocolate, and reading a book or watching a movie. I like the pounding rain drops, claps of thunder, and snaps of lighting. I like watching the storm move across the sky, I can see it come and watch it go. I like the sun highlighting the fresh lawn. I like feeling the heat on my skin, however I don’t like the thick wet air as the sun steams everything. Of course this is assuming I don’t have anything to do. If I HAVE to go out in the rain it sucks. It makes me sticky and wet and my hair curls and gets poofy – pretty awful. And I don’t like one rainy day after another.
I’ve missed the rain. It hardly ever rains in California. Sure the sunshine is great and the cloudy mornings are awesome but there’s just something about a random rainy day that makes me happy. But I’m glad I’m not in VA where they’ve had day after day after day of rain, that has gotta suck.

Dream On

Recently (and by recently I mean a while ago) I was asked what my dreams in life were. My reply was the usual - I don't have any dreams. And it's true, I don't. I kinda just let life happen and fall into this or that. Which is cool, because it’s like I gave my life up to God and I allow Him to direct me. But at the same time it's like maybe I should have a goal in life. Besides the usual happily ever after dream which most girls seek. Honestly, as cheesy as it sounds, all I want to do is to spread the love of Jesus. So many people are hurting inside and I want to show them there is a better way of life.
I use to want to be everything when I grew up, so I did a little of this and some of that but didn't become good at anything. I didn't have to fight for good grades, didn't care about being the best volleyballer or soccer player, I'm happy just tinkering with the piano, I don't mind singing horribly, and I'm cool with writing awesome paragraphs. I'm average. Jack of all trades, master of none. The one thing that I do rock at is entertaining little kids. Little kids love me, no lie, give me a little kid and we'll be best friends. Sadly that doesn't help my dream or career choice.
In the season premiere of Glee last night – yeah I know, I’m a dork – two of the main characters questioned the reality of being good enough to achieve their dreams. It got me thinking, maybe the reason I don’t have dreams for my life is because I never thought I was good enough to be anything. In the episode, when the characters saw people who were better than they were, they didn’t just back down, after crying about it, they were determined to be better. Don’t get me wrong, my parents always told me that I could be anything I wanted to be … I just never had the desire and passion to be anything. I've never strived to dream big. I was content to stay under the radar. I guess maybe I was afraid that I would fail, or my dreams would be too unrealistic. Like oh, I'm not good enough to make it so why set my heart up for failure. Maybe part of it is because nobody told me I could do it, I’m one to underestimate myself, and nobody’s told me I’m more than average, probably because I’m not – so my dreams will probably set me up for failure, my only talent is annoying my siblings (and others that happen to be blessed to have me in there life =P). Anyways, after talking to one of the techs during training my view is starting to change. He has big dreams for his future and at first I wanted to be like 'dude, you'll never make it' but why can't he? He's pretty awesome, has serious talent, and if it's in God's will then why not dream big? God gives us our desires for a reason, and maybe God's purpose for his life is in Hollywood.
And maybe God gave me the desires of my heart to dream big?

What's Happening?

Updates
A lot has happened, and I wrote the blogs so I wouldn’t forget but now that I’ve reread them I don’t want to post them. They sucked – actually my writing in generally sucks, but whatever.
Now where to begin???
Well my boss is a home wrecker. He split up my team, so now May is currently in the Midwest(ish area) and I’m still stuck in Cali. Traveling the same road. Back and forth, back and forth. Don’t get me wrong, Cali grew on me and I didn’t hate it as much as I thought I would, but I’m getting sick of it. :P I’ve seen Hollywood, climbed to the sign, sat in LA traffic, ate at the Sana Monica Pier, walked in the Pacific, owned San Francisco, took pictures on the Golden Gate Bridge, … there’s only so much more I can do. =P
Anyways, last week me and a newbie, Megan, headed up I-5 to do a week of shows. She was actually pretty good and Andrew was going to send her and May to Texas but she ended up making the decision to go home. Lucky for me my new partner is AWESOME!!! Rosita is a friend from back home who needed a job and so she was hired and flew out on Saturday. So Sunday after church I took her to the office and introduced her to frames, then we had our first show on Monday … 2 hours away. And we had to be there 2 hours before, we had to leave at 3:30am – crazy! Then we couldn’t find the janitor to let us in, so we went through the cafeteria – and Rosita is a fantastic tech. :D
Then today we had another show, only an hour away. So we got there a little early, couldn’t find ANYBODY, eventually after walking through an abandoned courtyard (btw schools are very sketch in the dark) we found a ‘janitor’ and he didn’t know anything! He wasn’t sure where the assembly was going to be, or where the kid would sit, or where the outlets were, or if we could tape on the floor. So we kind of just made it up. It went great, set up was beautiful and we still had time to spare. Except we had 6 shows. We watched the same program 6 times in a row. And I couldn’t go eat lunch so I got a headache. Lame.
Now we’re chilling at the Condo, I’m getting Rosita addicted to Veronica Mars and we’ll head back up I-5 again tomorrow.

Forgotten Loves

So for work I have to go into auditoriums, or gyms, or cafeterias, or a mixture of the three and set up for our show. Recently I’ve done some auditoriums and we’ve had some beautiful theaters. Every time I set foot on an empty stage I just want to stand in the middle and breathe, there’s nothing like a vacant stage. As I survey the absent audience I get a twinge in my heart and I realize how much I miss being up on stage. I love acting and I never realized how much I missed it.

In high school I was in the drama club and it was cool, but we only did competition at the beginning of the year, maybe a Christmas play and then we just sort of messed around, we never did a big production or anything. After I graduated I worked with the kids and youth in church and I wrote and acted in some small skits and puppet shows but nothing big. Then at Longwood I did some skits with BCM until everything got crazy and I didn’t have time to breathe let alone act. I just had too much going on, and didn’t really think about it. But now that I’m on that stage all the memories come back. The endless practices, memorizing lines, messing up, goofing off, funky costumes, set design, practice and more practice. Then opening night, a full house, blinded by the bright lights, and suddenly it’s not me anymore. Everybody’s staring at me but I’m completely lost in character and my nerves settle because there’s no room for my emotions. And for that block of time life is scripted, all I have to do is remember what comes next. I’m probably not describing this well but I love it. I can’t wait to get back into acting.
I’ve actually had to set up in a lot of cafegymatoriums. The last school I was in they had volleyball practice right after tear down. Another love that I had forgotten about. I love volleyball. I’m not sure which is greater volleyball or soccer but I love both and haven’t played either in forever. Anybody up for a game?


You’ll notice I have a lot of loves, sadly I’m not great at anything. I almost wish I sought out one thing and put all my energy into one goal. But I wouldn’t be able to choose just one, besides I think I’d get bored after a while, and it’s nice to come in from playing soccer with Annie to struggle through a song on the keyboard, I like variety. And I mean I’m not straight up awful (at everything), people would tell me I was good but I think it’s my passion that they see, not so much the quality – trust me I suck at life. =P

It's a whole new kinda of missing you

So I knew leaving home would be hard. I just packed up my entire life in a suitcase and left everything I knew to go to LA, totally trusting God that this was where I was suppose to be. I knew it was going to suck to say goodbye and that I would go through some serious friend withdraws - but what I wasn't prepared for was missing the people I just met. I didn't expect to develop fast friendships with the other Camfel techs. The person I was going to be living with yeah, but not everybody. However I just spent two weeks training with an amazing group of people. Now as everybody is gone and everything is quite I realized how much they've come to mean to me. The girls are so flippin awesome, I am seriously blessed to have met them and call them friends. I've learned a lot from both the girls and the guys and I love hearing about their life and their current adventures. I can't wait to see what God has planned for them. And as much as I was ready to leave and be done with training all I really want to do right now is have a Disney night - with a snack party - and just sit around and play music (and by play I mean sing awfully as the musicians in the group actually play) - pretty much just chill with this awesome group of friends.

[insert group picture here]