Dream On

Recently (and by recently I mean a while ago) I was asked what my dreams in life were. My reply was the usual - I don't have any dreams. And it's true, I don't. I kinda just let life happen and fall into this or that. Which is cool, because it’s like I gave my life up to God and I allow Him to direct me. But at the same time it's like maybe I should have a goal in life. Besides the usual happily ever after dream which most girls seek. Honestly, as cheesy as it sounds, all I want to do is to spread the love of Jesus. So many people are hurting inside and I want to show them there is a better way of life.
I use to want to be everything when I grew up, so I did a little of this and some of that but didn't become good at anything. I didn't have to fight for good grades, didn't care about being the best volleyballer or soccer player, I'm happy just tinkering with the piano, I don't mind singing horribly, and I'm cool with writing awesome paragraphs. I'm average. Jack of all trades, master of none. The one thing that I do rock at is entertaining little kids. Little kids love me, no lie, give me a little kid and we'll be best friends. Sadly that doesn't help my dream or career choice.
In the season premiere of Glee last night – yeah I know, I’m a dork – two of the main characters questioned the reality of being good enough to achieve their dreams. It got me thinking, maybe the reason I don’t have dreams for my life is because I never thought I was good enough to be anything. In the episode, when the characters saw people who were better than they were, they didn’t just back down, after crying about it, they were determined to be better. Don’t get me wrong, my parents always told me that I could be anything I wanted to be … I just never had the desire and passion to be anything. I've never strived to dream big. I was content to stay under the radar. I guess maybe I was afraid that I would fail, or my dreams would be too unrealistic. Like oh, I'm not good enough to make it so why set my heart up for failure. Maybe part of it is because nobody told me I could do it, I’m one to underestimate myself, and nobody’s told me I’m more than average, probably because I’m not – so my dreams will probably set me up for failure, my only talent is annoying my siblings (and others that happen to be blessed to have me in there life =P). Anyways, after talking to one of the techs during training my view is starting to change. He has big dreams for his future and at first I wanted to be like 'dude, you'll never make it' but why can't he? He's pretty awesome, has serious talent, and if it's in God's will then why not dream big? God gives us our desires for a reason, and maybe God's purpose for his life is in Hollywood.
And maybe God gave me the desires of my heart to dream big?

What's Happening?

Updates
A lot has happened, and I wrote the blogs so I wouldn’t forget but now that I’ve reread them I don’t want to post them. They sucked – actually my writing in generally sucks, but whatever.
Now where to begin???
Well my boss is a home wrecker. He split up my team, so now May is currently in the Midwest(ish area) and I’m still stuck in Cali. Traveling the same road. Back and forth, back and forth. Don’t get me wrong, Cali grew on me and I didn’t hate it as much as I thought I would, but I’m getting sick of it. :P I’ve seen Hollywood, climbed to the sign, sat in LA traffic, ate at the Sana Monica Pier, walked in the Pacific, owned San Francisco, took pictures on the Golden Gate Bridge, … there’s only so much more I can do. =P
Anyways, last week me and a newbie, Megan, headed up I-5 to do a week of shows. She was actually pretty good and Andrew was going to send her and May to Texas but she ended up making the decision to go home. Lucky for me my new partner is AWESOME!!! Rosita is a friend from back home who needed a job and so she was hired and flew out on Saturday. So Sunday after church I took her to the office and introduced her to frames, then we had our first show on Monday … 2 hours away. And we had to be there 2 hours before, we had to leave at 3:30am – crazy! Then we couldn’t find the janitor to let us in, so we went through the cafeteria – and Rosita is a fantastic tech. :D
Then today we had another show, only an hour away. So we got there a little early, couldn’t find ANYBODY, eventually after walking through an abandoned courtyard (btw schools are very sketch in the dark) we found a ‘janitor’ and he didn’t know anything! He wasn’t sure where the assembly was going to be, or where the kid would sit, or where the outlets were, or if we could tape on the floor. So we kind of just made it up. It went great, set up was beautiful and we still had time to spare. Except we had 6 shows. We watched the same program 6 times in a row. And I couldn’t go eat lunch so I got a headache. Lame.
Now we’re chilling at the Condo, I’m getting Rosita addicted to Veronica Mars and we’ll head back up I-5 again tomorrow.

Forgotten Loves

So for work I have to go into auditoriums, or gyms, or cafeterias, or a mixture of the three and set up for our show. Recently I’ve done some auditoriums and we’ve had some beautiful theaters. Every time I set foot on an empty stage I just want to stand in the middle and breathe, there’s nothing like a vacant stage. As I survey the absent audience I get a twinge in my heart and I realize how much I miss being up on stage. I love acting and I never realized how much I missed it.

In high school I was in the drama club and it was cool, but we only did competition at the beginning of the year, maybe a Christmas play and then we just sort of messed around, we never did a big production or anything. After I graduated I worked with the kids and youth in church and I wrote and acted in some small skits and puppet shows but nothing big. Then at Longwood I did some skits with BCM until everything got crazy and I didn’t have time to breathe let alone act. I just had too much going on, and didn’t really think about it. But now that I’m on that stage all the memories come back. The endless practices, memorizing lines, messing up, goofing off, funky costumes, set design, practice and more practice. Then opening night, a full house, blinded by the bright lights, and suddenly it’s not me anymore. Everybody’s staring at me but I’m completely lost in character and my nerves settle because there’s no room for my emotions. And for that block of time life is scripted, all I have to do is remember what comes next. I’m probably not describing this well but I love it. I can’t wait to get back into acting.
I’ve actually had to set up in a lot of cafegymatoriums. The last school I was in they had volleyball practice right after tear down. Another love that I had forgotten about. I love volleyball. I’m not sure which is greater volleyball or soccer but I love both and haven’t played either in forever. Anybody up for a game?


You’ll notice I have a lot of loves, sadly I’m not great at anything. I almost wish I sought out one thing and put all my energy into one goal. But I wouldn’t be able to choose just one, besides I think I’d get bored after a while, and it’s nice to come in from playing soccer with Annie to struggle through a song on the keyboard, I like variety. And I mean I’m not straight up awful (at everything), people would tell me I was good but I think it’s my passion that they see, not so much the quality – trust me I suck at life. =P

It's a whole new kinda of missing you

So I knew leaving home would be hard. I just packed up my entire life in a suitcase and left everything I knew to go to LA, totally trusting God that this was where I was suppose to be. I knew it was going to suck to say goodbye and that I would go through some serious friend withdraws - but what I wasn't prepared for was missing the people I just met. I didn't expect to develop fast friendships with the other Camfel techs. The person I was going to be living with yeah, but not everybody. However I just spent two weeks training with an amazing group of people. Now as everybody is gone and everything is quite I realized how much they've come to mean to me. The girls are so flippin awesome, I am seriously blessed to have met them and call them friends. I've learned a lot from both the girls and the guys and I love hearing about their life and their current adventures. I can't wait to see what God has planned for them. And as much as I was ready to leave and be done with training all I really want to do right now is have a Disney night - with a snack party - and just sit around and play music (and by play I mean sing awfully as the musicians in the group actually play) - pretty much just chill with this awesome group of friends.

[insert group picture here]