Sunday, August 28, 2011

"Goals are dreams with deadlines." ~Diana Scharf Hunt

Goals for the next 10 months
1. learn to play guitar
2. write like crazy
3. work on my tan
4. learn more about Jesus
- I had some others but I've already forgotten.
The first one is probably the one I'm most excited about. I've always wanted to learn how to play the guitar but nobody has been willing to teach me. Until now. My VanMate informed me that she loves teaching and I love learning - it's win win. So we bought our baby, Kali (Or Cali) and the learning has begun ... it's gonna take a while. :-D seriously my grin couldn't be bigger. I love playing music and my skills are limited. I taught myself to play the piano when I was like 10 and I still have yet to master the left hand and have to write the notes out, I can't just look at sheet music and know what to play. It's pitiful, I feel bad for my family that had/has to listen to my poor attempt at playing out a song. Hopefully guitar goes better. =P Most of the techs at Camfel can play an instrument and I was/am seriously jealous. I loved listening to whoever played in the lobby. Soon that will be me :)

The second goal is kinda on going since middle school. I love writing. (I think I've mentioned this before =P). And like everything else I'm not particularly good at it. Regardless I want to spend this time on the road writing. I know I'm not going to spell out a novel but just short stories or even blog post will suffice. I love crafting imagery and hopefully the more I write the better it will become.
Goal three is a little less realistic. Every summer I claim this will be the year of my tan. And every summer I fail. However, thanks to training I am slightly darker, you'll notice my hair-bow line and if you squint you can see a shorts and socks line. I was pretty excited. But I'll spend the rest of the summer in sunny California so hopefully I can get a little less pasty. However, I am tired of seeing new freckles.
Goal four is kind of a life sentence. I guess I just want to experience Him in a different way. I'm use to my small town church services and worshiping at BCM. Already God has opened my eyes to new things and I'm just really excited to go to different church services every Sunday. However I do miss my community of believers back home.
Of course my memory is seriously whack and I can't remember what else I wanted to do, but this seems like a satisfying list. If I ever remember I might add them to this list.

EDIT 9/22:
5. I'm suppose to be working on learning a British accent - I don't remember how this started but Wesley and Adam decided they were gonna learn an accent, and Wesley informed me that I too was going to learn a British accent. So far it's as crappy as ever.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Busy but not Forgotten

Hey guys. So I know I haven't posted in forever. I've been busy. :P So this is gonna be a crappy update post just to fill you in on whats been going on. First off goodbyes suck! I don't think they'll ever get better. My first goodbye didn't even seem like I was leaving. It didn't sink in that I wouldn't be seeing her until Christmas. It wasn't until some of the last goodbyes that it really sunk it that I was leaving and I really wanted to cry - but I didn't. I seriously thought I would on the plane, especially after hugging my mom and she started to tear up. I guess staying up the entire night packing helped me sleep and not think about it. And saying bye to Tiffy almost had me. So I left ridiculously early in the morning and got to LAX Sunday afternoon. I didn't having anything to eat for about 24 hours and I got a terrible migraine. Terrible. So the first day here I spent sleeping. Well after a while I did get up and lay down in the lobby where some of the girls were chillin and we had a worship session- that was fun.
Then training began. This was nothing like I thought it would be. It was rough. I had sore muscles the entire first week I think. And I was exhausted. (not LU exhausted though) ... however I had a headache the entire week so that probably contributed to my tiredness. I can't ever remember how many nights I didn't even get ready for bed, I just fell asleep and woke up the next morning. It was rough. I know ya'all are probably wondering what exactly I'm doing but without seeing it I can't really describe it. I think somebody took pictures so I'll try to steal them from they're facebook later.
The girls are staying on LABI (latin american bible institute) campus. It's where we have training and they cook for us. For a picky eater the food choices has been terrible. Theres more food that I don't eat then that I do. But when they have chicken its great ... except they usually serve it with rice. :( However the girls are moving to the condo, which is where the guys have been staying. Training is over and most of us (if we haven't left already) ship out next week.
I leave Thursday, me and my lovely VanMate, May, are gonna be touring Northern Cali. And probably cross into Oregon and Nevada. It's suppose to be pretty and tons of fun so it should be great. It's gonna suck to say goodbye to everybody. ... well it already sucks. The first few east coast vans have shipped out. It's lame. We've just spent these two weeks bonding and now we have to peace out. I love the girls and we have a good time and I don't want to say bye, and the guys are awesome and really funny, yeah this is gonna suck.
Oh I did get to go to Hollywood!!!! It wasn't that great, but I still had a blast. We walked up a bit of Hollywood Boulevard and went to this cool vintage store. We ate at a NY pizza place, which was alright then walked to this music store. Alice and me had an awesome time going through crappy cds to find the worse one. I forgot what she ended up getting but they were just awful. Then we decided to go to the beach so we piled back into the vans and then we found the cool part of Hollywood, too late of course. And our van didn't even make it to the beach because we got separated. However the next day after church we went to the Sana Monica Pier and I was able to see the Pacific. Sunday was lots of fun we walked the Pier which was alright, and I went to the Oasis Church. The actual pastor wasn't there but the guest speaker was pretty cool. The part I liked was when he talked about basking in God's love. How so much of our thoughts are centered on how we mess up and how unworthy we are that we fail to just let God love us. I know that a lot of my time is spent on the negative aspects and how God still has a lot of work to do in my life to truly be a reflection of Jesus. I don't spend a lot of time just allowing God to love me. Then Sunday night I went to the Free Chapel in OC because the pastor was suppose to be amazing - but he was on vacation. But the guest speaker was awesome. He talked about the Dream Center and told life stories about the lives changed there. He preached about God using the lowest points in our life, when our dreams are crushed and we just want to give up, it's in these low seasons that God propels us forward and because of these struggles we will be stronger. I was just reminded that God does have a perfect plan and He excepts me to submit all my dreams and desires to Him and trust in His amazingly crafted purpose for my life. It's a nice and rather scary reminder.
Ok so that's an update to my life. Hopefully when I'm on the road I'll have more internetz and be able to post more blogs.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

New Beginnings : Old Doubts

It’s a weird feeling to be excited and melancholy at the same time. I didn’t want this job, was even refusing to apply. Tiffany convinced me I should at least fill it out, stating that I might not get the job and I don’t have to accept the offer if I don’t want to. But how can you say no to such an opportunity? I grudgingly, hastily filled out the application. I thought my answers were sloppy, and off the mark, I was like, hey if I’m suppose to get the job then I will, my answers don’t really matter. Honestly, I hoped that I wouldn’t get the job, I was even prepared for the rejection email (and the justification of my speeding ticket to be the reason, certainly not an internal attribute). So it became clear that this is what God wanted me to do. I was rather bummed. This has nothing to do with my major, my qualifications, or even something I want to do. However an adventure is an adventure, and if this is what God wants then this is what I’m doing. Slowly I began to warm up to the idea and I’m almost to the point where I’m looking forward to going. :-P
So in two weeks I’ll board a plane to take me across the country (literally) where I’ll spend 2 weeks in LA and then travel across the U.S – and get paid to do so. Pretty awesome once in a lifetime opportunity right? However, I’ve been exposed to all the downsides of this arrangement. For 10 months I’ll be away from my family and friends. I’ll be in a hotel room creeping on facebook about the all the fun times
they’re having together. For 10 months I won’t have a ‘home’ I’ll be shuffled from one hotel to the next (I’ve definitely lost the appeal of hotels) for 10 months I wont experience home cooking. For 10 months I wont sleep in my own bed. For 10 months I’ll be on the road. I’ll be spending 10 months with the some person I don’t know, no breaks!

So yeah on the outside it looks pretty amazing, I’ll get to travel all over, and it is cool – but you don’t have to pack your stuff up every morning and spend hours on the road.



So I’m deciding to look on the bright side from now on. In two weeks I’ll leave everybody behind – I mean – in two weeks I’ll board a plane to take me to LA and I’ll meet a bunch of amazing people who are about to embark on they’re own 10 month journey. In two weeks I’ll meet my future roomie/copilot who I will experience America with. In two weeks I will develop skills as a techie. I will spend 10 months with an awesome woman of God. I will spend 10 months meeting tons of new people and new connections and learn their stories. For 10 month I will learn more about myself and about life. For 10 months I will have countless adventures.

Just realized – 2 WEEKS!!!! =O

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Lost in Fiction



What to write – what to write???

Once again, the topics are plentiful but the focus is minimal.

...Hmm lets go with my reading list =D If you don’t know already I am addicted to reading. Another quality I picked up from my dad – I mean mom reads too but she’s one of those ‘read a few pages before bed’ types. Not the ‘gladly give up sleep to read just one more chapter’ type. Like the rest of my sisters, I am an obsessive reader. Some how the boys missed out on the whole book experience – I mean the littlest brother occasionally reads, but he’s not obsessed. Funny how that worked out.

Quite literally, I grew up at the library. Ever since I can remember I’ve had a Library card (however my memory is ridiculously bad, I’m sure they didn’t let a 3 year old have a library card, but if they did I owned it). I can’t really remember going to the library when I was little (expect this one story hour episode that’s very vague and blurry) but I’ve heard the stories and spent much of my childhood picking out books. We had to do a project for school and I had to ask my mom some childhood questions, one of which was how did I learn to read. Mom’s response ‘learn? I don’t know; you’ve always known how to read.” As much as I’d like to believe I came out of the womb reading, I find this highly illogical. But my librarian watched me grow up – well grow into a thirteen year old at least. She knew my card by heart and would always point out books she thought I might like to read. I quite literally read the entire kids section and the juvenile section and was about to tackle the young adult books when I moved. The small library was just that,
small. But it was great, I never had a late fee (because they loved me and knew they would never see it) even when I found a book that was about 5 years over due.



My mom’s punishment when I didn’t do whatever it was I was assigned to do was to take away my current book. So not fair, especially when it was a harry potter book, pure torture. I don’t know what it is about books, but I can’t get enough of them. Maybe the way words occupy every thought, your whole mind is wrapped up in the journey of the characters and it’s like you’re on the adventure with them. Or maybe it’s that it puts you into the mind of a person who is experiencing something you will never have the opportunity to know. Hmm… what do you think it is that makes stories so alluring? I mean, even little kids beg for a bed time story, is it something we’re taught or it is an element in our nature?

Anyways, now that I’ve turned 21 I’ve grown out of my reading addiction. Just kidding. It’s only gotten worse.



She begged, and begged, and begged to go. And now the reality of the dream was seeping in. She threw on her coat and shoes and waited in the yard. Her book bag was packed full and she hardly noticed the intense weight. The heavy door slammed shut behind her announcing her sisters presence, ‘ready to go?’ She did this hop jump skip thing, “ready!” Her sister rolled her eyes at her excitement as she all but sprinted toward the road. The hike wasn’t far but some times it felt like forever. She always hated passing the abandoned house with the crooked sidewalk, and broken streetlight, but it was a necessity if she was to reach her destination. Luckily, the house was the last stretch and she was allowed to run past it and up to the door. She pulled the heavy door open and raced inside, the sweet musty smell of old books hit her and she knew she was home. She stood in front and stared up at the collection of tales. Excited about the new journey that lay within reach of her fingertips.
She pulled adventure after adventure of the shelf and piled them high on the floor. Then she took her carefully selected collection over to the checkout desk.
“Woah, that’s a lot of books?”
She looked at the relatively large stack and shrugged, “nothing more then usual”
“I don’t know, some of these books are pretty thick, you think you can read all these in two weeks?”
“Girl please, this aint nothing. I’ll probably be back before they’re due.” She took the loaned worlds and shoved them in the now empty backpack, but left one out. She dropped the bag to the floor and settled into the big chair, eager to escape into a new mystery, a new adventure. The six year old slowly opened the cover and slipped away….

(p.s. this wasn't where I thought this post would go but eh it works :)

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Wavering Decisions

I’m still unsure about this whole blog thing. I mean I like reading other peoples blogs and would love to demand that others post blogs, but I dunno about my blog. Probably goes back to the whole privacy issue I seem to have. I don’t like people reading what I write, not because I don’t think it’s decent but because I think they think it’s crap but won’t tell me. Also that they’ll judge me.

I was looking over my old blog that I started at JTCC it was fairly decent. I don’t think anybody read it but me and I liked it that way, besides I had a different name, I could write whatever I wanted and nobody knew it was me. I might go back to
that way of blog life, so if my blog suddenly disappears you’ll know why.

This would also avoid the whole ‘what! you didn’t tell me that!!’ fiasco that I always get in trouble with. Instead of ‘I thought my mom told you’ it’ll be ‘I thought you read my blog’ which is one of the reasons I don’t advertise that I have a blog.

Actually, that’s just an excuse as to why I don’t advertise that I have a blog, I’m not sure why I don’t tell people. Probably just my privacy thing. :-P



But I do love writing. I have an expansive collection of topics. So for now I will leave it how it is and attempt to regularly update this joker ... be we shall see.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Just Like my Dad

Happy Fathers Day

I know I’m early but the chances of me remembering to post this are very slim.

I love my dad. I can’t say he’s the best dad ever, but he’s definitely one of my favorites. I think I’m a lot like him. Which is funny because I use to claim we were nothing alike! I often wonder what he was like before he met my mom, before 11 kids got to him, before he got old. Did he always act like this, or was it the years that molded him into who he is now? Was he the same type of dad to my older sisters? Or was he more protective? Was he more or less stern? More fun? I guess we all wonder what our parents were like before they were parents.

My dad is pretty difficult to describe. He doesn’t talk much, but when he does it’s usually something funny or rude, maybe you’ll get an answer to a question. If he doesn’t want to agree to something he won’t answer.

Example : Me: Hey Dad, can I use your car to go to Vegas and attempt to increase your retirement fund or at least buy enough booze to get some rich sucker to secure my future with a signed marriage license?
Dad: …. [breathes deeply]
Me: Is that a yes?
Dad: errgh
Me: Sounds like a yes to me. Where are the key’s?
Dad: uggghhh – how long you think you’ll be gone?

If he doesn’t have an opinion he refuses to decide.

Example:
Me: What do you want for dinner, subs or burgers ?
Dad: yeah.
Me: what do you want on your burger?
Dad: sure.
Me: ketchup? musterd? pickles? Chocolate syrup?
Dad: whatever.

Me: what movie do you want to watch?
Dad: whatever
Me: which one [hands him a chick flick, an animated, a superhero, a endoftheworld, and a cops and robbers movie]
Dad: just put one it [hands me the top one without looking]
Me: [puts in the little mermaid]

He usually responds in grunts and vowels. My sister, Jenn, and I think he’s a pirate caveman. He watches Jeopardy but doesn’t shout out the answers … unless it’s a hard or ‘interesting’ question and he likes to show off. He can fix any car … well he can tell you what’s wrong with it at least and then decide whether or not he wants to fix it. He gives some great hugs. He loves my mom and puts up with all her crazys. He is a horrible procrastinator, and he covers it well – he’ll work on other stuff that needs to be done but really he’s just pushing off whatever it is he doesn’t want to do. He doesn’t sing along to the radio, but you know he’s listening because he turns the station when an annoying song comes on. He has road rage but doesn’t verbalize it. He hates the city. He turns a different race in the summer. He’s learned that kids need to make their own mistakes. He’s a Chevy man. He can dance, but only when his wife makes him. He likes the clean air of silence. He doesn’t usually offer up information without being asked. He’s impatient. He loves his kids, and grandkids. Some things can’t be expressed in words. I mean how can I convey the awesomeness that is him. He grills these perfect burgers that can’t be duplicated because he never remembers exactly what he put on them. He has these wordless conversations, you know what he wants to say but he doesn’t want to say it because it’s not what you want to hear so he refuses to answer hoping that the issue will be dropped. He drives with the windows rolled down and a cigarette in this mouth, one hand on the wheel. He’s addicted to coffee and gets offended when you wash his mug, claiming you just washed away the flavor. He’s perfected the art of oooing and ahhing over a scribbled coloring book. He reads anything he picks up, including Harry Potter, and finishes it in record timing. He pulls out loose teeth now matter how squirmy the kid is. He treats my friends like their his own – even if he’s just met them. And he’ll always have you’re back. See this still pales in comparison ...



He stood behind a towheaded shrimp, barely tall enough to reach the stove; a griddle stretched between the burners with two gooey saucer sized puddles cooking. “No not yet, you have to wait until a lot of bubbles start popping up before you can flip it. That’s how you know it’s done.”

The thick nightgown clung to the soggy little girl. She stood in front of his chair with her head flipped over and her hair hanging in her face. The man took the towel and started scrubbing her head. She stood close to the wood stove, absorbing the heat as the towel soaked up all the water.

It was still dark outside when the sleepy blonde slowly climbed down the stairs. She drudgingly dragged her tired body to the chair where her clothes were laid out the night before. “Daddy, can you help me?” She starts to pull of her nighty but it gets stuck on her head and arms, swiftly he rescues her flailing limbs. His rough hands curl up the stockings so she can slip her feet in and pull them up. The dress falls perfectly over her head and his bulky hands fasten the tiny buttons.

The old man comes through the door and drops the blue lunch pail on the shelf. He slowly crosses to his chair, sinks into the worn cushions, and releases his tired feet from their personal prisons and leans back. He doesn’t even remember closing his eyes but seconds later a deep snore rings threw the living room.

Impatiently she stands by the counter. Frustration is clearly written across her face. He watches her stomp back to her room. The sound of the clock hangs in the air. An older version of the girl hustles in the kitchen and grabs a stack of papers and a coffee cup. He hears the thundering steps of the annoyed blonde. She attempts to escape out the door but he blocks her path and wraps her in a hug.

Nope, snap shots don’t work either. I guess you’ll never know. But he’s pretty fantastic. I love you Dad.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Tales of the Traveling Miscreant





I hate this job. I am currently working as an independent merchandiser. I’ve been around merchandising since I was like 10 or 11, I can remember working on some lame reset since on my 12th birthday. Mom has forcibly dragged me to stores to help since she’s started this mess. When I turned 18 I was officially hired on and actually got a pay check. I still didn’t like it, but I liked the money so I didn’t mind working. But now that I have my degree I hate it. Not so much the work it’s self – ok yeah the work too – but just the being gone all the time and probably being stuck with my mom 24/7. Don’t get me wrong I LOVE my mom, but being in the same room for such a long period of time kinda drives me insane. I’m not sure why but I get so frustrated and grumpy. It’s awful.
For those of you who don’t know what merchandising is, I basically go into different stores and do different things. Mostly resets. Recently I’ve been in Staples helping with complete remodels, Martins messing up the cookie and cracker resets, and pet smarts with the cat and dog food (killer). So I go in a store mess up the set and then put it back how it’s suppose to go. It just depends on what I’m doing that week because I could be just auditing a store or putting up a display.
It’s not the traveling that I hate, because I love to travel. I think it’s more that I want to do something that means something – to me merchandising doesn’t matter. I want a job that I’m passionate about. I’ve been trying to be patient … some days are better then others. A lot of days I question my psych degree. I question my ability. I question my sanity. I know that God has it all planned out, that I was meant to study psychology and I will be great at whatever He has planned for me, and He will put me in the field He wants me and I just have to trust Him. I think I have a problem with trust.
Thankfully I shouldn’t be doing much merchandising for a while so I can focus on finding something I want to do, not just something that is available and pays.