Always Waiting.

This was also written a while ago ...

I feel like I’m always waiting for my life to begin. In high school I was waiting for graduation, then college, then moving away, then graduation. I waited for my shift to end, waited for my paper to be written, the exam to be graded, meetings to be over, summer to begin. After Longwood I thought that would be it – the waiting would be done and I’d be a grown up and life would start. And it did … except not for me. I moved back home with my parents and started the serious job hunting that would land me a fabulous job within the month. While I waited for my ‘real’ job to show up I worked with my mom and hated it. I grew frustrated with my life and for the most part wasted my days – I mean it wasn’t a complete waste; I had great times with my friends and Bible study with my girls, and made decent money. Still it wasn’t what I wanted. So I ended up applying for Camfel, and getting this other ‘temp’ job. Now I’m waiting for this tour to be over so I can get my ‘real’ job and start my ‘real’ life. Even now, I feel like I’m waiting for my tour to begin. I’m stuck at the condo just waiting to actually get on the road – when in fact this is my tour, this is my life, this is real.
I hate waiting and I feel like that’s all I ever do. I wait. I’m never content in any circumstance; I’m always waiting for whatever comes next and right now can never be good enough for me. Once again the grass is always greener somewhere else. Here I have this awesome life with amazing friends and an unbelievable family and I wish I was someone else doing anything else.
I’m torn because the Bible says to wait on the Lord and all that mess. So that’s what I do, I wait for God to open up opportunities and to show me what’s next and it works. I guess where I fall short is waiting for tomorrow. I’m constantly looking ahead to what’s next and I’m not focusing on what’s happening now. I’m waiting, but it’s almost like I’m demanding to know what happens next. I trust that God’s got it all figured out and I’m waiting for Him to let me in on the plan, but I’m too focused on what’s next. I need to spend more time enjoying and soaking up the now than wondering what’ll happen in the weeks, months, or years to come. God has me here for a reason, instead of constantly questioning what’s next, I should be focused on His plan for today. So I’m determined to start absorbing today, and not just the fun stuff in between the mundane, I want to live for the ordinary and enjoy the routine everyday stuff. In a few years I’m gonna wish I was still in Diamond Bar lounging around the pool in October … actually I could be wishing that in a few months. :P